There was a time when meeting someone meant eye contact across a room, striking up a conversation at the grocery store, or nervously asking for a phone number after a chance encounter. Today, much of dating happens through apps, direct messages, and carefully curated profiles. While technology has made meeting people more accessible, it has also changed how people build confidence, communicate, and interpret social interactions in the real world.
One of the biggest shifts happening in modern dating is that many men are struggling to approach women in public. Not because they lack interest, but because many genuinely lack experience.
Dating apps have become the training ground for romance. Instead of learning how to read body language, start conversations naturally, or handle face-to-face rejection, many people have grown accustomed to texting first, editing responses, and hiding behind screens. Online, there is time to think. Time to craft the perfect opener. Built in is an escape door in which to disappear if things feel uncomfortable.
In person, none of that exists.
Last week, I helped host an event with my friend Adeline (Single Mingle) with nearly three hundred singles, and there was one common theme among both the men and women in attendance. Many were incredibly uncomfortable being in a room where they were face to face with the opposite sex. Some appeared anxious. Others seemed almost terrified, wanting to hold onto me like a security blanket. In that moment, I realized it was time to step up and help these people. It is not their fault. The lack of experience in real-life social environments has become pervasive.
For many men, approaching a woman in public now feels intimidating, awkward, and risky. They worry about saying the wrong thing, being perceived as creepy, or being rejected publicly. Some avoid it altogether because they simply haven’t practiced real-world interaction enough to feel comfortable doing it.
But there’s another side to this conversation that matters just as much.
Women today are navigating a world where personal safety is a constant consideration. A stranger approaching them in public can feel unpredictable. Even if the intention is harmless, women are often taught to stay alert, protect themselves, and be cautious in unfamiliar situations. What might feel like a bold romantic gesture to one person can feel unsafe or uncomfortable to another.
That creates an interesting contradiction in modern dating.
People willingly connect with strangers online every day. Dating apps are built entirely around meeting people you do not know. Yet those same interactions can feel less threatening digitally than they do face-to-face. Why?
Because online dating creates the illusion of control.
Apps allow people to filter, block, pause, and disengage at any moment. Conversations happen from the safety of home. Profiles provide context before interaction even begins. There’s a sense of emotional distance that makes vulnerability feel more manageable.
In public, interactions are immediate and unfiltered. There’s no profile to review. No mutual matches. No guarantee the interaction is welcome. For women especially, that uncertainty can trigger caution before curiosity.
This doesn’t mean approaching someone in person is wrong. In fact, many people still long for authentic, organic connection. There is something refreshing about meeting someone naturally rather than through an algorithm.
But the way people approach each other matters more than ever.
Confidence today is not about boldness or persistence. It’s about emotional intelligence. Reading social cues. Respecting boundaries. Understanding timing and context. A respectful compliment, a light conversation, or a shared moment can feel genuine when approached with awareness rather than entitlement.
Men who want to become more comfortable approaching women in public may need to shift their mindset. Instead of focusing on “getting a number” or avoiding rejection, focus on learning human connection again. Practice conversation without expectation. Learn to read comfort levels. Understand that not every interaction is meant to lead somewhere — and that’s okay.
Likewise, society may need more balanced conversations around dating. Many men are not predators; many women are not overly guarded. Most people are simply navigating a complicated modern dating culture where technology has accelerated communication but weakened interpersonal confidence.
The irony is that despite being more digitally connected than ever, many people feel less emotionally connected in real life.
Perhaps the future of dating is not choosing between apps or in-person interaction but relearning how to combine convenience with genuine human connection. Because behind every profile, every swipe, and every awkward public interaction are two people hoping to feel seen, safe, and wanted.
Here is where Soulmate Quest comes in. Our program, Art of the Approach, on June 27 in Pleasanton, is designed to help men develop the confidence, communication skills, and emotional intelligence needed to approach a beautiful woman in public and create a genuine connection that could lead to something meaningful. No tricks. No manipulation. No cheesy pickup lines. Just real-world guidance on how to approach women with confidence, awareness, respect, and authenticity in a way that feels natural for both people. Because the ability to confidently start a conversation and create human connection is not something men are born knowing. It is a skill set, and like any skill, it can be learned.
Space is limited to just 30 attendees. https://www.eventbrite.com/e/art-of-the-approach-tickets-1989875656655?aff=oddtdtcreator
